Can We Escape Toxic Politics?
Yes, with distance, balance, and perspective
Politics is one giant fight over beliefs, turf, lives, money, airspace, bodies, and more. Of course, it’s going to be rough. Of course, people are going to say rude things. And the closer you get to the center of the fight, the more people are going to rip you apart.
I had an ill-fated run for local office last year, where I learned many tough lessons. One personal revelation was that I really dislike it when people tell lies about me on the Internet and when they deface my lawn signs. Yes, you can laugh. It’s all silly now. But at the time, I was upset.
It turned out that my skin is too thin for toughly fought elections. I much prefer the role that I have right now, which is behind-the-scenes and, actually, more meaningful; I get to help people without losing sleep at night. Sometimes, losing is really winning.
Even from afar, I have a low tolerance for toxic politics. I hate when people tell me what to think, cloaked in syrupy slogans. I hate hypocrisy, anger, and personal attacks. With the return of X/Twitter to the political game — everyone is back — the temptation for toxicity is pervasive. I love politics, so I’m always trying to find a pure space, where people can talk about issues and policy devoid from nastiness. But it’s hard to escape the cringe-factor.
What made me cringe this week?
The press found an old clip of JD Vance saying that our country is run by miserable, childless cat ladies. He clarified this week saying that the quote was taken out of context. He really wanted to say that the Democratic Party is anti-family and anti-parent. Oh sure.
Between his cat-lady slur and the sofa story, JD Vance was roasted with a million memes this weekend. It’s easy to mock Vance, but then he got a boost from a recent article went viral for its pure hatred of one particular traditional family.
Last week, The Times did a hit piece on an Instagram star who bakes bread, wins beauty pageants, and has nine kids. The author of the article called Hannah from Ballerina Farms a Trad Wife — a derogatory term for women who enjoy the domestic life — and basically accuses her husband of spousal abuse. For some reason, the author also thinks it horrific that their kids don’t have iPads.
Aside from the annoyance of validating Vance, the article was pure hatred. I needed a shower after reading it.
Last week, I wrote about how Harris should go beyond identity politics to win this election, particularly with white, suburban women. But others decided to double down and came up with a Karens for Kamala campaign, which instructed white women to not talk and listen to black women. Try to watch the video. I only going got to the one minute mark. Peak woke, peak cringe.
It’s the Economy, Stupid. That’s the path to victory. Harris should keep talking about jobs for the post-college kids, the cost of breakfast cereal, and retirement. And folks should double down on the “Trump is Weird” signs, because it’s true, and it’s really going to piss off Trump and get him to say even more weird stuff.
What is Making Me Smile
I am going to survive this election by leaning into things that bring me joy. I’m lucky enough to have a lot of great things going on right now.
I’m 2/3 through a first draft of a book. It’s a modest little book — advice for autism parents about life after high school. Since I finished my dissertation, I’ve tried five times to write a book and always got derailed, because of other career opportunities, boredom, or family pressures. This is the farthest that I’ve gotten on a writing project in twenty years. And I’m having fun with it.
We sent our 22-year old kid up to a five-week college program in Vermont. He’s got autism, so this was a big step, his first time away from home. After a couple of weeks, the college offered him a full time spot at the college and a scholarship. This weekend, we drove up to Vermont to talk to him about this opportunity. We decided to defer admission to the Spring, so he’ll have more time to prepare for this big step. I’m insanely proud of him.
I’m enjoying The Algebra of Wealth by Scott Galloway. It’s hard to think of anybody more different from me than a Wall Street business bro. I’m married to a Wall Street guy, but he’s an accidental Wall Street guy, who reads books about Ancient Greece on the NJTransit back to our town. There are some surprising overlaps between Galloway and myself, as well as some good tips for my job-hunting older son. I’ll write about it when I’m done.
I’m balancing with the inevitability of a toxic political season with work, family, and good books. I’m deeply relieved that Biden stepped down with diminished expectations of the next Trump presidency. I’ll be here talking about politics and life regularly through November, while insulating myself from the nastiness and enjoying a healthy balance between the necessity of politics and all the other good stuff in life.
Top Photo by Gene Gallin on Unsplash
Pictures on my iPhone
