In Praise of the Multi-Generational House
Building Family Wealth While Annoying the Shit Out of Each Other
On my publishing salary, it took a full year to save up enough money for the first month’s rent and security deposit. I also needed that time to convince my Italian mother that moving out of the house at 23 wasn’t the dumbest move ever. Once the yelling stopped and the savings added up, I grabbed a buddy and moved to Queens. I didn’t have to move — my family’s home was a short bus ride to New York City — but moving out was an imperative just the same.
I craved independence and adventure, so spending my whole paycheck on rent and food felt like the right move for me. And I did have a marvelous time. But moving out also meant that I pissed away rent money for years. Steve and I didn’t own a home until I was 38, only due to a little help from my parents.
Our kids are technically adults — boys! [insert a snort and an eye roll] — but they are still home with us. Bucking the pressure for us all to go our separate ways, I think we’ll keep this band together. After all, remaining together in a multi-generational home is the best way to build family wealth, even if we annoy the hell out of each other.
“Why would you waste all your money on rent and food, when you could live at home and save up that money? You’re crazy!!” That’s what my mom said back in my 20s. Nobody wants to turn into their parents, but that’s what I’m saying now, too.
Independence is part of the American dream. That’s why so many young people in their 20s get their own place here, while Europeans do not. Family friends in Madrid live in the same apartment as their NINE teen and adult children. NINE. The mind boggles. Because multi-generational living is the norm in Madrid, nobody thinks to complain.
Independence is also extremely fun. Once I moved to the city from our sleepy suburb, I traveled in packs of young women, wearing tiny dresses from the cheap stores on 34th Street and boots from 8th Street. Flirting with bartenders for free drinks and dancing in the corners of bars until 2am never got old. We scoured the Village Voice to check out the hipster bands at CBGB’s and had a really marvelous time, even after I got married and had kids.
But that freedom came with a price. My sister, in contrast, lived at home and also didn’t squander her youth in a PhD program like I did, so she has more money now. She was able to build a retirement fund, buy a home at a younger age, and so on. Financial decisions that you make in your early 20’s have a snowball effect. The dollars saved during your 20s have more time to multiply than dollars saved in your 50s.
Today, things are even tougher on young people. They have more student loan debt, and rent is astronomical. The median rent in Manhattan is $5,000 now, though I do know plenty of young people living in the outer boroughs and Jersey where the rent is a measly $2,000 per month — still a lot. A young person sharing an apartment in Jersey City could easily run up $30,000 per year on living expenses.
Living at home for two or three years, a young person could save enough for a down payment on a house. Or that money could be pooled within the larger family, so the family buys income-generating property or invests in other ways. By making financial decisions as a family unit, money can multiply faster.
We’re not the only family to have these discussions. The New York Times had an article about young people moving into their grandparent’s homes. On Reddit, over 3,000 people responded to a viral post about regret over all the money wasted on rent over the years.
With our two adult boys living full time in our suburban split level, things do get a little wacky at times. The autistic kid will probably be with us for a long time. Even if specialized housing ever becomes available to him, the options aren’t great. He’s better off with us. Our oldest son is transitioning from college to the real world, and needs a little more time to get himself on his feet. Once that happens, I do hope he stays with us for longer. He makes us laugh at the dinner table, and I would like to build something together. The lure of the friends and parties in the Jersey City might be too much, but I do hope that we can convince him to stay.
LINKS
Great reporting from the The Hechinger Report about that many schools send kids with disabilities home, rather than supporting them or providing them with support. That’s the old “Return To Sender” trick. I comment more about all the problems with special ed on twitter, but right now, I’m very worried about public schools. Inflation is causing MASSIVE and underreported problems. Parents are silent quitting public schools.
The Russian bot farms “further widen existing divisions in the American public and decrease our faith and trust in institutions that help maintain a strong democracy.” They certainly helped stir up the pot during the BLM marches. And I’m convinced that they’ve been behind all of the extreme comments about the British Royal Family.
Sometimes I get bored and post gossip links on Twitter.
Travel: Fall weekends are my favorite. This weekend, we’re meeting friends for a boozy brunch and then visiting Washington Irving’s place. On Sunday, we’ll go apple picking with Ian.