Trump's Royal Family Cosplay

Trump is Building an American Dynasty

Find Callista Gingrich!

I had a million things to do yesterday: help my kid pack for college, prepare PowerPoint slides for two upcoming presentations, and rewrite Chapter Three of my book. Instead, I spent the entire day watching Trump’s inauguration. I have no regrets; it was quality procrastination time.

The morning began with the swearing-in ceremony with the titans of tech and one bra-wearing girlfriend in the front row. Because it was too cold to hold the ceremony outside, the rest of the guests were clown-car-ed into the room.

It was early, but not too early. Plenty of time for the glam teams to primp the Trump clan as they made the procession into the rotunda.

There were notable absences, like Michelle Obama and Nancy Pelosi. I’m sure that Joe and Kamala wish they were drinking fruity cocktails at Obama’s Hawaii compound rather than being marched to the execution.

There were moments of absurdity. Melania wore a weird hat. Callista Gingrich’s hair glowed like a blond headlight. Bloated and disheveled, George Bush, winked and giggled to himself like everyone’s favorite drunk uncle. Fetterman, in his basketball coach attire, shuffled to his chair. The sound system conked out, so Carrie Underwood had to sing acapella. Aca-awesome!

Trump’s speech was entertaining and unhinged. He is convinced that America is the world’s patsy. By taking on the role of the world’s policeman and guardian of democracy, we’ve made too many bad deals. Just a few inches from Joe Biden, he describes the previous administration as“radical and corrupt.” America is in decline, he said, but he’ll turn it around so America is exceptional and doing great deals again.

With some Grade-A Narcissism, Trump describes himself as a Messianic figure.

“Over the past eight years, I have been tested and challenged more than any president in our 250-year history… Just a few months ago, in a beautiful Pennsylvania field, an assassin's bullet ripped through my ear. But I felt then, and believe even more so now, that my life was saved for a reason. I was saved by God to make America great again.”

Between the autistic tech dudes (and Baron) and Trump’s bloated ego, the inauguration was an anthropomorphic DSM-5 manual.

Later, someone set up the obligatory framed pictures on the credenza in the Oval Office, where Trump signed a dozen executive orders while chatting with the press. Take that Joe. I can do two things at the same time. Woot. Go me!

During his speech and impromptu press conference, we got an earful about Trump’s priorities. Some plans were predictable because he talked about them during the campaign, and they were popular issues with his base — eliminate DEI, stop immigration, bring on mass deportation, pardon Jan 6th criminals, and increase tariffs.

Other issues are bizarro and emerged just in the past couple of weeks, like renaming the Gulf of Mexico and Mount Denali and taking back the Panama Canal. I don’t remember MAGA supporters shouting out Panama Canal slogans during his rallies. Greenland and Canada? When did he cook up these ideas?

London Calling

Later, the Trump clan dressed in fancy dresses and danced at some balls. And here’s where you see Trump’s real plan. Trump is cosplaying the British Royal Family. He’s going to rule like a King.

Trump’s children, spouses, and grandchildren played a major role during this inauguration ceremony. With their natural beauty amplified with botox and filler, the women dressed in demure, regal gowns. The guys slicked their hair back in the trademark Trump family style. Their presence was announced and applauded.

The fashionistas on social media, who typically discuss the outfits of the British Royal family coo-ed over Ivanka’s and Melania’s dresses. Melania’s hat was soooo Kate Middleton. This wasn’t accidental.

Trump gave the spotlight to his entire family, establishing an American dynasty. With five adult, photogenic children, they’re part of the Trump brand. I can’t think of another American president who has made his kids part of the show. The kids aren’t elected, so they’re not usually part of the inauguration ceremony.

About two minutes ago during a Google search, I learned that H. W. Bush had six children. I knew about George and Jeb, but the others are a mystery. He didn’t trot them out in fancy gowns at presidential events.

Fun fact: John Tyler had 16 kids.

Trump was a big fan of Queen Elizabeth. He said,"many people have said I was her favourite president." He was chummy with Prince William last month at the Notre Dame party.

I like the British royal family, too. I like their dresses and the pageantry. Queen Elizabeth was very cool. Reading the British gossip pages is my favorite insomniac ritual. But we don’t need royalty in the United States. That’s not who we are.

Trump’s admiration for the Windsors seeped through yesterday’s event, giving the day the feeling of a royal coronation rather than an inauguration of a president in this rugged democracy. The Trump Dynasty is taking over Washington, DC. In the coming years, we’ll have to push back on Trump’s agenda, as well as his royal aspirations. Neither are good for us.