The Middleton Backlash

How Kate Middleton, aka Princess Catherine, Just Won the Celebrity Olympics

I was on a family vacation in Mexico when things blew up about the whereabouts of Kate Middleton, whose real name is Princess Catherine. It was too juicy of a story to ignore, so I abandoned my family on the beach and wrote for two hours in my hotel room. Yes, it’s slightly deranged, but I couldn’t miss out on the party.

Last week, I was horrified at the vile, dehumanizing, misogynistic stuff on the Internet about Kate. As someone who once had a serious operation, I can completely understand her demands for privacy and time to heal. No woman — not even the future Queen of England — should be forced into the public, because some low-IQ children on TikTok want to see the surgical incisions on her stomach. I also wrote that I was slightly suspicious about the motivations of the haters.

Yesterday, she and her husband did a speedy shopping trip to a farmer’s market knowing that someone would take a picture and put it on the Internet. She’s walking, smiling, and looking as slim as ever. Yet, this wasn’t good enough for the Internet haters, who began doing their own forensic examinations of the picture from the parent’s basement. They say it’s not her. Oookkkaayyyy….

The crazy people are using the hashtag #kategate. As of this morning, there are more people tweeting about #kategate than Barack Obama.

Yet, the haters have done what Royal Family couldn’t do on their own. They made William and Catherine the most talked about people on the planet. They just made them superstars. My Internet accounts are full of pictures of Kate Middleton, wearing simply fabulous outfits.

While other celebrities must buy followers on Instagram and hire PR companies to reprint their articles in low level magazines and websites, the conspiracy theorists brought her global attention. That’s never going to go away. She’s going to have power far outside the boundaries of her little island.

Some idiots are trying to frame this incident as a misstep, a blunder or even a fiasco that marks the end of the British Royal Family. No sorry. I don't think Americans haven’t talked about the British royal family as much since Princess Di was making sad eyes for the newspapers.

This Internet explosion around Kate is part of a growing interest in Royal Family gossip over the past few years. And all this publicity is a huge win for monarchies, not just in Britain, but worldwide.

The old kings and queens never went away, and are playing a larger role in international politics and diplomacy. Obama bopped into Europe last week and met with the British Prime Minister and the Belgian Royal Family. Yeah, who? Anyway, these people were important enough for Obama to visit on a very odd visit to Europe that isn’t getting enough attention.

What should Kate do with this massive power? Well, I hope that she and her husband continue to highlight policy solutions for problems like childcare, homelessness, mental health challenges, and climate change. I hope she continues to wear pretty dresses, because I like pretty dresses. And that’s about it. At the end of the day, the royals aren’t elected officials, and I really don’t want them doing more than making nice speeches and wearing pretty dresses.

This morning, I was skimming through my email on the my phone, while watching the Today Show. Jonah walked in the room just as TWO royal reporters, who were parked outside Buckingham Palace, gave the latest scoop on the Royal Family.

Jonah shouted, “Toxic silliness. That’s what this is. Two reporters there. Two! Dear God, we’re never going to deal with climate change!” And then he dramatically exited the room.

He’s right. This is all toxic silliness. I do hope that we graduate from toxic silliness to just regular fun silliness, which is totally okay. We all need a little silliness in our lives.

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